Everyone else was completely baffled by Illustrator (and by trying to do the same thing in Photoshop) so I went to help people! for that is what I do. So first I was showing people how to do it properly and then I was demonstrating how to get the computer to do it**. For some reason this assignment has now been cancelled.
Also I showed the teacher my trick for accessing .doc files on computers without Word or OpenOffice: upload it to Google Docs tada. :D So now she can access her lesson plans from the past few years in this classroom. SUCCESS
* I've never used Illustrator before, okay. I have problems with Illustrator and Photoshop because I'm used to using Inkscape and GIMP and not everything's in the same menu. Don't judge me!
** The teacher was entirely aware of this and approved. Illustrator is confusing! ... possibly. Certainly it's confusing for a group of not-exactly-tech-savvy art students.
ETA (which is not a footnote): I think I made three or four new tags just for this post. I think I may need therapy.